Counselling

A regular hour that’s yours, to think and feel out loud, at whatever pace suits you. In this trade “the hour” means fifty minutes, which is what a session runs to.

What it is

Counselling is a steady, confidential conversation, usually once a week, for as long or short a time as feels useful. There’s no set curriculum and nothing you have to cover. You bring what’s on your mind, and we follow it.

I see people in Kingston upon Thames, on foot in Richmond Park, and online across the UK.

Some people come with something specific. Others come because life feels harder than it should and they’d like somewhere to look at that with another person. Both are good reasons, and there’s a fuller account of what people bring, and what I can and can’t be useful for.

What happens in the room

We start wherever you want to start, which is sometimes the thing you came in with and often something else that turns out to be underneath it. Nothing has to be prepared, and there’s no expectation that you fill the time.

Mostly we talk, and I listen closely. I’ll try to understand things as you see them rather than fit them to a theory, and I’ll say what I’m noticing when it seems useful. Sometimes we’ll sit with a difficult feeling rather than rush past it. Sometimes there’ll be a silence, and that’s often when something important is arriving.

Some hours are busy and some are slow. The slow ones are frequently the ones that turn out to matter, so I won’t hurry you through one to make the time feel better used.

You will not be asked to relive anything to prove it happened, and you won’t be given exercises to take away unless you have asked for something of that kind. What you say here stays here, within the limits set out under confidentiality on the fees and practicalities page.

You set the direction. If something we’re doing isn’t helping, please tell me so we can change it, rather than quietly putting up with it.

Things people wonder about and rarely ask

The free conversation and the first session are different things. The free one is about twenty minutes, costs nothing, and is mostly about whether we can work together. The first session is a full fifty minutes and is where the work starts.

If you arrive and can’t think of anything to say, that is not a wasted hour and it happens often. We can start from the not knowing, which is usually more useful than it sounds.

If you cry, nothing in particular happens. I won’t make a great deal of it and I won’t look away. There are tissues, and you don’t have to apologise for needing them.

If you want to stop early, you can, and I’d rather you said so than sat it out. If you want to stop altogether, a last session to finish properly is usually better than not coming back, though that is an invitation rather than a condition.

Between sessions I don’t expect anything of you. I’m not available for support between one hour and the next, which is worth knowing in advance rather than discovering at a bad moment.

How long people stay

That varies a great deal. Some people come for a handful of weeks around a particular difficulty. Others value having an ongoing space over many months. We’ll talk about it as we go, and there’s no expectation that you commit to a fixed number of sessions before we’ve met.

Whether it’s right for you

The honest answer is that it partly depends on us, on whether it feels workable once we’ve talked. That’s what the first conversation is for. There’s a fuller account of what I work with, and what I’m not the right person for, on a page of its own.

Some people arrive here having first thought about coaching, and some move the other way later on. When something difficult is sitting squarely in front of you, counselling is usually the better place to start. Once it has moved alongside rather than in front, coaching can be a good next shape for the same work, and we can talk about that if and when it comes.

The first conversation is free. About twenty minutes, no obligation, and nothing is booked or paid for until after we’ve spoken.

Arrange a free first conversation

If you’re in crisis or need urgent help, counselling isn’t the fastest route. You can call the Samaritans free on 116 123 at any time, or contact your GP or NHS 111.